Dear Sober Grumpy Jet Wolf, I love you bunches and wish you all the good things in the world, not limited to but especially including Mako Hugs. As for something to ask about, how about Senshi Poker Night? Does Minako cheat? Does Minako accuse Rei of cheating with her psychic powers and someone ends up flipping a table? Does Usagi somehow win a hand out of sheer luck? What do they wager? Money? Snacks? Rei’s manga collection? (“I SAID NO.” “BUT REI-CHAAAAAAAN.”) These are important questions.

keyofjetwolf:

These ARE important questions, and I appreciate you bringing this to my attention. (Also I love you too, you are the very best 8bit around.)

Right so to the very serious business of SENSHI POKER NIGHT.

I’m almost offended you had to ask if Minako cheats. Of COURSE Minako cheats. Or at least Minako TRIES to cheat. The problem with Minako cheating is that for as much as we expect it, so do the others. They, however, have the benefit of sitting right there physically next to her, and if you think Rei won’t hold Minako’s bow between smoking fingers whenever a card is drawn, or Mako won’t shut it all down with a glare, you’re mistaken. Violence is implied. Mako can’t abide cheaters. Rei can’t abiding losing. It’s a great combination.

Of course this means whenever Minako actually wins a hand, the entire game slams to a halt for like ten minutes while Minako’s area is thoroughly searched for rogue cards. To which, of course, Minako’s like “Look if you want to play strip poker, we don’t have to go through all this!” and by the time she’s unbuttoning her pants, Mako and Rei have retreated back to their place around the table.

Which means of course they missed the supply of face cards Minako tucked into her underwear, but then they should’ve just wanted to play strip poker, shouldn’t they?

Usagi doesn’t believe Minako’s cheating. Minako’s just that good! Rei, on the other hand? TOTALLY CHEATING YOU CAN SEE THROUGH MY CARDS WITH YOUR PSYCHICNESS YOU BIG CHEATING CHEATER WHO CHEATS. Rei is indignant. Usagi brings up that time Rei abused her powers to win the cruise, They will live to be a thousand years old and Usagi is STILL bringing this up. It does not escape Rei that she’s hearing about this for all eternity for a fucking Dark Kingdom illusion trap sprung by JADEITE. Being Rei is suffering.

Usagi pretty much never wins hands, but since they usually play for food of some kind, she also rarely bets much. It’s food. Every piece that goes in is a piece she loses, and that is some unholy tragedy.

Mako tries so hard, bless her face, but she can’t lie for shit. Whenever she doesn’t get the card she wants, her expression crumples into a grouchy mask of eyebrows and glares, and no matter how much she tries to hold it in, she can’t. Mako winds up mostly giving her “money” to Usagi. Usagi eats it.

The real game is between Rei, Minako, and Ami. Minako, as established, will cheat, but it’s mostly just to see if she can get away with it. She’s a really good player without all that, but where’s the fun in just playing?

Rei and Ami playing poker, I see as something that they sometimes do together late at night on their regular weekend trips away. They’re both very good at keeping their hands and their plans to themselves, and when it’s just the two of them, they spend half their time trying to read the other. It’s Rei’s intuition versus Ami’s deduction, and neither can firmly claim to be better than the other.

So the games mostly come down to Usagi folding because she won’t risk her food, Mako unable to make any real headway because her face gives her up, Rei and Ami staring each other down, and Minako doing her best to fuck up everything just because she can.

I would, by the way, very much enjoy a Senshi Poker Night episode before I’m done.

If there is no Senshi Poker Night episode to be had, I may have to write one.