one-time-i-dreamt:

one-time-i-dreamt:

one-time-i-dreamt:

coccineusrosso:

one-time-i-dreamt:

I’ve been a changed person since I found out that all of Santa’s reindeer are gals

they’re wHAT NOW

gals, theY’RE GALS

male reindeer shed their antlers at the end of mating season (early December), while females keep theirs during the winter

and what do Santa’s reindeer have?

ANTLERS

I

keyofjetwolf:

The littlest possible help.

thehomebrood:

I swear I laugh every time I read the flavor text for Power Word Kill in Pathfinder

thoodleoo:

thoodleoo:

concept: a podcast about an ancient greek, an egyptian, and a norseman who are bffs and argue about whose mythology is the least fucked up

norseman: i mean i think we can all agree here that really the greeks are the worst
egyptian: that’s a pretty good point
greek: what? fuck you guys, that’s…look, the norse can’t talk
norseman: ‘oh here’s our king of the gods zeus, he turned into a swan to bang a chick’
egyptian: *helpless giggling*
greek: excuse me? excuse me?? do NOT get me started on loki. y’know, the dude who turned into a horse so he could fuck a horse and then GAVE BIRTH to a horse with EIGHT LEGS
norseman: now hang on, eight legs is completely reasonable compared to those, those, what, the hecatoncheires? the dudes with a hundred fuckin hands?
greek: YEAH BUT ZEUS DIDN’T GIVE BIRTH TO THEM
egyptian: ahahaha keep going guys, i’m taking bets in my groupchat over who’s gonna win the inevitable fistfight
greek: yeah laugh it up hatshepsut, at least zeus didn’t become king by jizzing in someone’s salad

crockpotcauldron:

clarenecessities:

there’s something endlessly hilarious to me about the phrase “hotly debated” in an academic context. like i just picture a bunch of nerds at podiums & one’s like “of course there was a paleolithic bear cult in Northern Eurasia” and another one just looks him in the eye and says “i’l kill you in real life, kevin”

molly-ren:

bassiter:

bassiter:

in hocus pocus when the sanderson sisters bust out a flawless rendition of I Put A Spell On You complete with modified lyrics, back-up vocals, AND choreography, in spite of having been dead for 300 years and otherwise having zero knowledge of the modern world and certainly no psychic powers either……………….. can only be rationalized by “they rolled a nat 20 on Performance”

now that i think about it, a LOT of hocus pocus makes more sense as a D&D campaign with the sanderson sisters as an Evil party (winnie is lawful, mary is neutral, sarah is chaotic)

DM: you see a guy dressed as–actually, can you all do a perception check for me?
Winnifred: …3
Mary: i got a 4.
Sarah: oh shit… 1.
DM: okay, you see the actual devil. lucifer himself is here, in this modern suburban neighborhood.

also,

DM: everyone roll a wisdom saving throw for me pls
*everyone rolls terribly*
DM: okay so max has just cast ‘burning rain of death,’ and

I watched Hocus Pocus for the first time since… uh… grade school??? and it was interesting to see what stood out to me at different periods of time. Like, adult me was like “Wait, how do they know how to sing…?” and child me was 100% like “HOLY SHIT I CAN’T BELIEVE EVERYONE KNOWS THIS GUY IS A VIRGIN HOW EMBARRASSING!!!”