Chapter four of BatB! I’ve been excited for this one, but then it proved hard to write. I hope you enjoy it! See the master postfor previous parts.
“Hey, it’s Haruka… Tennoh. It’s Haruka Tennoh. You know. Leave a message.”
Minako grabbed a handful of her hair as it beeped. “Listen, you complete and utter fucktruck, stop making me worry, call me the fuck back and change your stupid voicemail.”
She chucked her phone onto the bed. Then, for good measure, she threw herself after it. Fear was not a feeling she liked much. At first, she’s figured Haruka had been seduced by some woman and had decided to stay a night, forgetting to charge her phone because she was too much of a lesbian to think of anything when a pretty woman got involved. But she would have called the next day, and come home, and it had been over forty eight hours since she should have been back and her phone went straight to voicemail every damn time she called.
Minako was afraid, the way mothers that weren’t either of theirs were always afraid. You might have been dead in a ditch!
She shook her head. She was Minako Aino, and Minako Aino did not sit around and worry. Minako Aino took action.
Dumbledore: Minerva, I had a relationship with another man once but I never talk about because it ended poorly.
McGonagall: Who?
D: Grindelwald
M: No, I don’t remember hearing about that.
D: We didn’t really talk about it then, either.
M: Albus, did Grindelwald know?
D: Unclear
D: It was the defining relationship of my life. I would never love again.
M: It sounds like you didn’t love then.
D: we had an understanding.
M: That you never discussed with him? It sounds like what you had was a crush.
D: Anyway, I was sitting outside Grindelwald’s window one night–
M: Come again.
D: I think he knew I was there. He sensed it.
M: Albus, what you’re describing is stalking.
D: We had a bond
M: You shouldn’t tell anyone else this story.
D: Hmmm
D: Minerva, surely you understand why I’ve held this back?
M: I have my answer written on a card, but I doubt your answer will match.
D: I was in love with a monster!
M: I’ve dated 2 evil wizards, an evil witch in college, and 2 actual literal monsters Albus.
D: You dated a witch, Minerva?
M: Several Albus, only one evil one though. Not so many lesbians are for enslaving others based on biological differences.
D: Evil witches and wizards? But you’re the head of Gryffindor!
M: I didn’t say I was going to marry them, Albus!
D: But…I had to defeat him in a duel!
M: You think I’ve never dueled someone I slept with Albus? It’s part of life when you live as long as we do.
D: Slept with!? Minerva, I never slept with Grindelwald! Outside his window, sure.
M: It troubles me that you don’t know that’s bad
M: Albus, you should get back out there. Meet other adult gay men.
D: Minerva, I don’t say that word out loud!
M: You say Voldemort all the time, but gay is right out.
D: What would the children think?
M: They’d probably be inspired. Did you know one of our students is Jewish?
M: Seriously, Albus, go find yourself a nice Hufflepuff bear. Hufflepuffs always make sure you’re taken care of.
A: But Minerva, I’m a Gryffindor!
M: You don’t know anything, Albus. There’s no such thing as a pleasant hookup between two Gryffindors, it’s marriage or death
D: I don’t think I’m ready.
M: You’ve had a century, Albus. Have you considered you might be asexual? Maybe even homoromantic asexual? You know sexuality and romance or more complicated than just straight or gay.
D: Nope, definitely gay. Plain ol’ gay.
M: But you never stop talking and this has never come up. Then give us any textual proof! Hatef&$÷ a Slytherin for all I care!
there’s a lot of evidence that the iliad and the odyssey were actually composed by a variety of poets through an oral tradition rather than just by one poet, so what if the homeric texts are actually just a very long game of D&D
homer, the dm: okay achilles, agamemnon has just taken away your war prize, what do you want to do achilles’ player: i roll to have a diplomatic conversation with agamemnon achilles’ player: *rolls a 1* homer: you throw the staff of speaking at agamemnon’s face and storm off to sulk with your boyfriend
Homer, the DM: Your beautiful Patroclus is dead. What do you do? Achilles’ player: I fight everyone. Homer, the DM: You can’t fight everyone. How would you even– Achilles’ player: *rolls a 20* I fight everyone. Homer, the DM: *sighs* Fine. You cut a path through the Trojan army, enemy dead strewn in your wake. Achilles’ player: How many? Homer, the DM: …lots. Enough to clog the friggin’ river with bodies. Achilles’ player: I fight the river. Homer, the DM: You. can. not. fight. the. river. Achilles’ player: *reaches for dice*
Homer, the DM: Okay guys, so the war’s over, you had a bunch of losses but you won in the end. Time to go home, let’s roll to see who gets there firs—
Odysseus’s player: I got a critical failure.
Homer: The cyclops asks you who you are. What do you do?
Odysseus’s player: I say, “Who me? I’m nobody.”
Homer: Roll for deception.
Odysseus’s player: I got a natural 20.
Homer: The cyclops now completely believes that your name is Nobody. He shouts for help from the other cyclops but they ignore him because he’s telling them that “Nobody hurt him.”
Rhio's Tunglr Stuff 