dreamshapers-universe:

clairevnderwoods:

“Are you sure you’re with me, Kou? There’s no backing out once you get in there, you know,” Michiru said sternly, zipping her jacket shut and peering round the corner.

“Double sure. In fact, I’m pretty sure God put me on this planet to carry out this very mission. Well. Put me on Kinmoku so I could travel over here and end up meeting you and THEN carry out this mission. You know what I mean!” 

Michiru stared blankly at Seiya, an eyebrow raised.

“This is a very serious situation, you understand. No messing around. On my count, you run and get the door and we execute the plan as I outlined on the phone.”

“Yes, Michiru. Sir.”

“Excuse me?”

“Never mind. I’m in position.”

“Okay,” Michiru took a deep breath, “in three…two…one.”

With a click of Michiru’s fingers, Seiya sprinted towards the door, carefully avoiding the watchful eye of the cctv camera slowly stuttering it’s way around the garden. She unlocked the door, her hands fumbling slightly with the keys, before silently shutting it behind her.

“Kou, can you hear me?” Michiru’s hushed tones came from Seiya’s belt, where her walkie talkie was attached.

“Uh huh. Remind me again why you couldn’t do this bit?”

“I’d get in very, very serious trouble if I got caught. You, on the other hand, don’t have so much to lose. Now, like I said – go up the stairs, get past the lasers-”

“The lasers!?”

“Oh…did I fail to mention those earlier? I do apologise, it must have slipped my mind. Yes, you’ll need to dodge the lasers, then down the hallway, then you’ll reach a door. Insert the passcode as prompted and…”

“Bingo,” Seiya finished, her eyes glistening in the limited light of the room. 

“Remember, Kou. We’re doing this for the good of humanity. Best of luck.”

With that, the line went dead, and Seiya headed for the stairs, flinching with every creak the floorboards made. 

If she got caught now, she was done for.

Breath caught in her throat, she opened the door at the top of the stairs. The hallway that followed was mercifully short but as Seiya switched to her night vision goggles, the task before her came to light. There were red laser lines everywhere – something only a gymnastic feat could surpass. 

It was a good job then, that Seiya Kou was a talented athlete that would never back down from a challenge.

Carefully, she slipped underneath the first laser, her finger narrowly missing a second, leading her to catch her breath as she attempted to regain her balance. She stood up again slowly, leaning over to plant one hand on the ground and lift herself over another beam. She tackled each one in turn, skilfully and gently, before she finally managed to get to the other side.

Breathless, but nonetheless eager to complete her task, Seiya rushed down the hallway, stopping at the door to insert the passcode.

“Kaioh. Kaioh, I’m here,” Seiya whispered into the walkie talkie

“This is it, Kou. Good luck.”

With that, Seiya swung the door open. She was forced to step back, unable to cope with the sheer volume of ugliness that was suddenly before her, assaulting her eyes, leaving her with nowhere to run. 

Before her was a large wardrobe. It was beautifully decorated, wooden with a classic design and for a second if Seiya focused on it long enough the urge to vomit would begin to leave her.

And then the mustard hit her again. 

She strode forward, a brave soldier alone, the matches ready in her hand. All of it, all of it would go up in flames and she would laugh, she would laugh maniacally in the face of twenty two hideous, burning mustard suits, never to be suffered again – not by Seiya, not by Michiru, not by the world.

When Michiru had called with her proposition earlier that night, Seiya knew from that very second that this was her right for the taking. It was her battle. It was her victory. It was her revenge.

As the suits burned, tears streamed down Seiya’s face, and she knew in her heart that all was right with the world.

This is the most hilarious thing I have read all day!