Ugh ok. So I found an old unfinished drawing from last year and it vaguely inspired me to write a thing; I’m not super happy with it but it was nagging at my brain and I’ve re-written shitload of it and if I don’t leave it alone now I’ll be nitpicking it into my grave. It’s kinda dark, vaguely gory, no happy ending for anyone. Gonna put it under at cut. 

There was a word for it. She knew what it was, maybe? No, she was sure of it, she’d thought it and felt it, tasted it for what felt like thousands of years (a hundred, a thousand, a millennium; she stopped counting after a while.) It was there, on the tip of her tongue (literally, ha) but she couldn’t think of it (too many screams, it was too loud, why was there so much screaming, just be quiet, she needed to think) and it was driving her mad. It started with a heartbeat, it ended with a sigh or maybe it had been a gasp? She wasn’t sure at this point, all she knew was that she couldn’t think, couldn’t concentrate and what was that fucking word? She should ask Ami (oh god Ami) because she was super smart, she had all those books and besides, she was a doctor, she’d know what it was for sure. Then again, Ami was kinda busy right now, she had her hands full with (of) Makoto after all (she wasn’t sure you could just shove guts back into a body like that but Ami was giving it a go if anyone could fix her ami could if anyone-) and Mako was a little busy too, maybe they’d talk later.

She breathed in gently, trying not to disturb her cracked ribs, trying not to feel the shredded ribbons of her fuku drag through the gashes across her back. This wasn’t new, this was pain and she knew *that* word, she knew it as intimately as Rei’s hair through her fingers, across her thighs (oh god oh god rei where was rei where was-) they were all so very keenly aware of pain but why couldn’t she think of this one god damn word. It was starting to tick her off, because in all the years (the long stretch of twisting time that bent and warped and held her down but never snapped, never stopped until now) she KNEW the word, the taste of it, filling her mouth with broken teeth and broken promises. The smell of it forever haunting her, sticking in her nose, her hair, her clothes, refusing to wash out no matter how hard she scrubbed her hands. 

It was there on Serenity’s (fuck fuck fuck Usagi USAGI usagi’s) chest and hands, it was dripping down Ami’s nose, mixing with sweat and tears, it was thumping through her veins like a song that you KNOW you know the words to but they just keep getting mixed up and she just couldn’t concentrate dammit. There was a cloud of soft blonde hair slowly soaking up a red ocean of salt and concrete dust and a shattered sword hilt had made its way to her hands (Haruka buddy you always were so dramatic this wasn’t the time there was never any time.) 

She felt so heavy and tired and the world was tilting around her but she knew, she just *knew* that if she could remember that word, that stupid little word,everything would snap back into place and she could deal with the fallout. She could deal with Neptune’s rampage that was, even now, washing up over her shattered legs and slowly pushing that broken, tattered body away from her (wait no she hadn’t said goodbye, she was choking on blood, she was biting through her lip to keep her own screams down,) towards the raging sea god’s embrace. And Neptune might as well be a god now, letting all the unchecked power of her planet explode out of her and Mina really should stop her but it was getting harder to breathe when the cage that was supposed to protect her delicate flower of a heart was instead crushing it slowly, grinding it into what would (hopefully) soon be glittering dust (god please let her actually die this time she can’t do this again.) She knew half was battle damage and half was Neptune lashing out at her for failing her one duty, (she had one job just one job and she was damn good at it wasn’t she? she was supposed to be the leader she was supposed to keep them safe she was supposed to keep the damage to a minimum she was-) failing in the one thing that, as an absolute, bridged the gap between their two parties even as Usagi’s pretty, shining words couldn’t. 

She felt her hair lift and brush against her ears, her cheeks, dragging against the blood-stained fuku and for one terrible moment she prayed to Neptune to end her, to just let her finally have some godforsaken peace. As she drifted off she convinced herself that she could let go of Ami and Mako and Rei, almost, telling herself that Usagi could bring them back like she always did. She could let Setsuna and Hotaru go, because Time and Death couldn’t exactly be destroyed by something so minor as a flesh wound, they’d be ok, they’d be back, they always came back. Michiru…well she was still here so ok, Haruka…she’d see her on the other side and buy her a round of beer, let Haruka beat her at that one racing game they always liked to compete against each other in, taking shots whenever Mina lost (because if she was honest, if they took shots whenever Haruka lost, they’d be sober within the hour.) She rolled her head to the side, squinting through the rust-colored waves, trying in vain to find those blonde odangos, the bubbly, cheerful face, the dazzling shine of the ginzuishou that meant things were going to be ok. 

There was no ginzuishou this time though, only a brilliant, haunting glow in the deep-sea witch’s eyes as she broke the world apart. The last thought Mina had, as she listened to the cacophony of gurgling screams and sirens blasting overhead, was that copper was a damn stupid word for such a familiar taste.