docholligay:

This is, of curse,
written by people named Doc, who are me, and I swear only to the fact that it’s
my own inane ramblings IS THAT ENOUGH OF A CAVEAT FOR EVERYONE.

Well, I mean first I
think you need to realize two thgs: 1) parenting is fucking hard and 2) Compulsory
heterosexuality is a social/societal effort, IT TAKES A VILLAGE, so I mean, don’t
be too hard on yourself, you can only do what you can do. But I think the fact
that you care enough to ask is a good thing.

Luckily, your kids are
growing in a time where they’ll, if nothing else, know the option exists. I
mean, my mom didn’t even know women COULD be gay until after we were already
born, she thought it was the executive purview of men. (MEN TAKING EVEN MY VERY
GAYNESS) And she still ended up raising a superhomo, she probably let me read
too many car magazines, or there was that time she let me wear pants to a
wedding as a child, idk. So I mean, they’re already ahead of me and a lot of
people my age.

If I had any suggestions
to offer, it would be to not only be gender-neutral when talking about their
future, but expressly inclusive. Let me explain, because I think that’s pretty
vague. When your sons are busy flushing socks down the toilet or leaving a
trail of detritus about the house or whatever kids do these days, there is a
subtle difference between “I can’t wait to see what whoever you marry has to
say about this.” And “I can’t wait to see what your husband or wife has to say
about this.” But unlike the first one, the second one really CANNOT be tuned
out to reflect the same messages you hear everyday in society. You can’t
automatically assume girl with the second. (My hobby—compulsory homosexuality
at babies. Tell young boys how handsome they are and how Daddy better have a
shotgun for all the boys. Tell girls they’re going to be linebackers with all
the cheerleaders staring. Watch the parents’ faces. Enjoy.)  

I also think, though, an
important thing is not to get too wound up about anything. Honestly, your kids
may, even if they aren’t straight, and even if they are, may assign themselves
a thousand different labels before figuring their shit out. I really, really,
wish someone had told me I didn’t have to declare a sexual major at the age of
16, because I went from straight to bi to gay to bi to lesbian, because I was a
fucking KID trying to figure out how to process all the messages I’d gotten and
listen to myself.

And, as much as I joke,
I don’t think it’s super helpful to be like, “Oh my son loves musicals, he must
be gay. My daughter loves trucks, I see we have a tiny lesbian on our hands.”
Musicals and trucks are both fucking awesome and everyone should love them. I’m
not a big proponent of ‘boy things’ and ‘girls things’ though admittedly this
is partially because being told that she liked boy things and didn’t she want
to be a girl and blah blah gross was so hard on my wife and confusing for her,
as a girl who liked flannel and Ninja Turtles. She didn’t need to be told a
zillion times that those were things for boys. So I mean I think presenting
things in a neutral way as much as possible is helpful.. This is partially why
my friends K and T like having me and Jill around their daughter—we’re an
example of two women who are very different and both enjoy a wide range of
stuff—Jill likes masculine clothes and sappy romantic movies (This woman made
me watch Leap Year—pls see my former post about oppressive butches) and
yardwork and dancing and is very sensitive, and I like feminine clothing and working
on cars and cooking and am an asshole. I think presenting that a person can be
and like many things without it meaning anything is helpful.

I mean, honestly, all we
can do in this world is our best. One thing I would add that I almost forgot
is, that moreso than women loving women, men loving men don’t have avenues of
domesticity open to them. I mean, there’s a lot of lesbian drama with media
portrayals right now, I know, but we’re much more likely to be shown in a
long-term relationship, and societal attitudes about women versus men mean that
gay men are very often painted to not be into marriage and children and a home
life. So if I had a son, I would take an extra effort to find (Or make, I am
not above writing my own children’s books, I already feel for my poor babs) stuff
that explores gay men as having families and gross domestic shit.

ANYWAY I SOMEHOW DOUBT ANY
OF THIS WAS HELPFUL.