sailorfailures:

So you’re a writer for the smash-hit, 90s anime series Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon. Omedetou!! At some point the anime broadcast will catch up to the manga, so despite the anime having almost nothing in common, you will be asked to write a filler episode. This can be daunting, but don’t fret! Here is a simple guide you can follow to easily pad out a week’s worth of broadcasting.

To start: Brainstorm two sentences. One must be superficially poetic, and the other an unrelated response from one of the characters. Example: “Finding Love in Literature Class! Makoto’s Insatiable Sweet Tooth".
Now base the entire episode around these sentences, which will become your episode title. It does not matter if this title then spoils the entire episode.

Now, ensure that the following things happen at some point in the episode:

• Something happens that is literally too good to be true, like “the mall is giving out free kittens that don’t need to eat or defecate, and will do your homework for you while you sleep!“.
• This is actually a bad thing being done by [Evil Group]. In this case, the kittens drain energy.
    Note: Fax this bad thing to the boys down in character development and get them to design you a corresponding monster (in this case, “catgirl with homework for clothes”). If they have time, ask them to also design an attractive and endearing victim. If not, use Naru.
• Something stops Sailor Moon from being able to defeat the monster right away. Viable reasons: The monster is not weakened, everyone gets trapped, Moon’s energy has been sapped, food. At this point, include one or two clips of the other Soldiers using their attacks. Proceed with Sailor Moon defeating the monster.
• Tuxedo Mask appears, throws a rose, and delivers a speech. You will find several all-purpose Mad Libs at your disposal for speech-writing.

After you have ensured the inclusion of these points, you can add in some flavour according to the season;

• Classic:
  Mamoru shows up and says something callous but also erotic.
  Rei gets all up on Mamoru’s dick and Usagi tries to pretend like she isn’t mad jealous.
  Rei chews out Usagi and Usagi totally hates her 5ever but they ultimately accept that they’re girlfriends.
  Mamoru is brainwashed.
  Queen Beryl wastes easily 2-3 minutes of screentime waving her hands.
  If you need to, introduce a completely unrelated monster or problem like ghosts or naga and then never address it again.
  You can easily take up five minutes with a cameo from a clueless minor character who fawns over one of the girls (start with Umino, replace with Yuuichirou).
  Clarify that Zoisite is like really hella gay.
• R:
  Chibi-Usa fucks up everyone’s day for no reason (use often!).
  Spend a good five minutes having the four sisters talk about boys or makeup or periods and then fight it out. If they have been written out, spend a good five minutes reminding everyone that Esmeraude is hot for Dimande and Dimande is hot for sociopathy.
  Mamoru is brainwashed.
• S:
  Rose petals.
  Usagi and the others are kind of okay at something and then Michiru and Haruka show up and absolutely smash it.
  Mamoru is brainwashed.
  Rei and Usagi have a lover’s quarrel.
  Some girl thinks Haruka is a hot dude and crushes on her, then finds out she is a lady, and crushes on her.
  Note: Ask the guys in character design to put the Daimon star on the tit.
• SuperS:
  Mamoru shows up and says something silly and ineffectual.
  Don’t be afraid to make the villains really meta.
  In this season, Minako is a sex beast!
  Clarify that if you thought Zoisite was like hella gay you don’t know jack about Fisheye! He is like four Zoisites of fabulous!
  Seriously pretty much anything goes in this season. Literally nothing you do can be wrong here. Ask your children for ideas. Play consequences.
  Mamoru is dead.
• Sailor Stars:
  Completely disregard guide and write 30 minutes around Seiya’s boner for Usagi.