The Four Humours as Other ‘Personality Tests’

Choleric: Chinese Zodiac. Colourful, fun, implies everyone in your high school graduating class has the same fate. Including Kirsten from French class. Yeah, you remember Kirsten from French class. She’s exactly as much of a Rooster as you are. Enjoy your future meth addiction!
Sanguine: Western Astrology. Calm, fatalistic, imprecise, based on the shit about the sun going around the earth that Galileo got locked up for denying. Knows the meaning of ‘True Lilith’. Theoretically could be reverse-engineered for perfect babies (blessed by Jupiter, but GOD not SATURN) with some time and conception statistics. Get cracking.
Melancholic: Hogwarts Houses. Somewhere, deep within your soul you know it’s a set of arbitrary ramblings scratched out by a broke single mother on a train napkin to tell a story about wizards, but for some reason (your melancholic tendencies) you don’t care. There are four types of people: Smart, brave, normal, and evil.
Phlegmatic: MBTI. Loosely based through dubious methods off dubious Jungian psychology. You suspect it exists only to take money from overfriendly 90s-esque CEOs. You’re oddly okay with this. Purports to be more scientific than astrology despite the fact that, hell, even astrology makes predictions sometimes.